Introduction: Are Our Choices Truly Ours?
We often believe that we are the architects of our own lives. But if we look closely, we realize that everything we do—such as building a house, choosing a career, taking up a job or business, shopping, traveling, and even our food choices—is deeply influenced by the people around us.
We are an imitative species, always comparing ourselves to others and being influenced by the examples set by the crowd. But is this imitation natural, a function of the mind, or a trap set by the ego?
The Mirror of Human Nature
From childhood, we learn by watching others. Imagine a child eating a toffee—without anyone describing the toffee, the other children also develop a desire to eat it. This desire does not arise from seeing the toffee, but from seeing the happiness of the child who is eating it.
In other words, the happiness, success, or experiences of others create an attraction for us, making us want to have the same experiences.
Satisfaction or happiness is like a surprise that everyone wants to feel. The happiness or satisfaction of others surprises us—”Oh, he did this so he got that; I will also do the same.”
As adults, this “toffee” becomes more complex. If a neighbor builds a house, we also feel the desire to build one, and perhaps even to make it like theirs. If someone chooses a new career or travels somewhere, we are also drawn towards that. Often, we adopt desires by observing others, without deeply thinking about it.
This tendency can be understood in two ways:
- It is natural—we learn through curiosity and observation.
- It is mental conditioning—the mind pushes us to follow others without reflection.
The Ego as the Processor
The ego is always comparing. It measures our lives against others and pushes us towards competition. It makes us think that if we do what others have done, we too will feel the same satisfaction. Because of this, we chase goals that we don’t truly want, but pursue only because others have attained them.
In this process:
- The ego seeks shortcuts.
- The mind believes its choices are always correct.
- Comparison turns into competition.
This means we are shaped more by external standards, rather than focusing on what we truly like or dislike.
Influence Begins Early
This pattern starts in childhood. When one child experiences joy, others want to experience it too. Our desires often stem from observing the experiences of others.
This mechanism continues throughout life, shaping our preferences, goals, and decisions, as we constantly seek to replicate the joy we observe in others and learn from their experiences.
The Sensory Loop: Desire and Satisfaction
Our senses play a key role in creating desire. When we see something pleasurable, the mind forms a craving for it.
However, satisfaction is temporary. The moment one desire is fulfilled, another arises. This creates an ongoing cycle of wanting more.
If no one expresses that something is desirable, the urge for it may not arise. This scenario shows how strongly our desires are influenced by external signals.
The Endless Cycle of Desire
This pattern follows a simple loop:
- Trigger: Seeing someone else’s happiness or satisfaction
- Action: Imitating them to achieve the same happiness or satisfaction
- Result: Happiness or satisfaction that is temporary
Which becomes:
Desire → Effort → Satisfaction → New Desire
The mind always wants something new, and this cycle keeps repeating.
The Mathematics of the Mind
A simple formula: Desire – Satisfaction ≈ 0
If a new desire arises immediately after satisfaction, the result returns to zero. That is, no matter how much we achieve, we keep coming back to the same point—again seeking something more.
Can We Break This Cycle?
We should try to understand our desires, think carefully about whether a desire shaped by someone else’s happiness or satisfaction will truly bring us joy or fulfillment, and question whether this desire is really necessary for us. If not, we should end that desire right there.
Before acting on a desire, we can ask:
· Is this truly my own desire?
· Or am I just imitating someone else?
Conclusion: Finding the Zero Point
We are neither completely free nor entirely under others’ control. Our behavior is a blend of our mind, senses, and environment. Being influenced by others is normal, but blindly following will never give us true self-awareness or satisfaction.
True awareness begins when we ask the following:
Why am I influenced?
Where do my desires come from?
Are they truly necessary, and should I really work towards fulfilling them?
When we face these questions, we move from imitation to a conscious way of living. True peace comes only when we realize that perhaps we don’t even need to chase the next “toffee.”